Violent Traveler: Films

POSEIDON

2006-05-12T21:50:00.000-07:00

Theater: Regal Cinemas Savannah 10, Savannah, Georgia

If Poseidon were fact, not fiction, I would advise no minorities to go on a cruise ship, because you wouldn't make it out alive.

The black captain: crushed by a wall of water.
The Hispanic cook: impaled by spikes AND crushed by a falling elevator.
The Hispanic girl: drowned and/or blunt force trauma to the head.

Other than that, the thrills of escaping an ocean liner that's upside down and sinking has a lot of good thrills, even though a lot of it seems like a refresher from Titanic with the projector flipped over.

The cast? Josh Lucas as a professional gambler, Kurt Russell as a fireman turned mayor, Emmy Rossum as his daughter with a secret fiancee, and let's not forget Richard Dreyfuss as the suicidal rich and probably gay guy.

See it if - you like seeing boats go under.
Rent it if - you remember the original.

THE SENTINAL

2006-05-10T21:35:00.000-07:00

Theater: Carmike Cinemas Wynnsong 11, Savannah, Georgia

Yes, I realize the movie is called The Sentinel ... but this is what the marquee said, and it's what is on my ticket stub ... so I won't be one to argue with Georgia's education system.

Michael Douglas is a Secret Service agent on a mission to uncover a ... plot to kill the president! Figure that. But the trailers sell it as a sort of man on the run movie, when the running doesn't even start until halfway through the movie.

The supporting cast is decent, from Kim Basinger as an unfaithful First Lady to Kiefer Sutherland and Eva Longoria as SS Investigators tracking down a killer, and then finally Douglas.

The movie is at its best when you see Douglas pull a Fugitive trying to clear his name and track down the bad guys, but sadly it takes a while to get going.

See it if - you want a decent thriller.
Rent it if - you like your Douglas aged ... more than he already is.

M:I:III

2006-05-09T21:35:00.000-07:00

Theater: GTC Liberty Cinema 7, Hinesville, Georgia

The third MI movie has parts I would expect. But a rescue mission where Tom Cruise is sent against 16 bad guys with only some remote controlled machine guns is much more like a video game than a covert operation.

Granted, they are very cool machine guns, but come on ... Mission Impossible was never (or should never have been) about gunfights ... it was about out-thinking the enemy and using violence as the last possible resort.

So when Tom Cruise et al break into the Vatican it's awesome. Over the wall, blending in, impersonating their villain and kidnapping him without anyone knowing ... it was awesome.

Until you think about it ... why would a prolific international arms dealer be at the Vatican?

Because the characters mentioned his clients would be there.

His clients are buying weapons of mass destruction ... but also devout Catholics who believe in morality on fundamentalist levels?

Seems like a pretty risky place to do a transaction, if you ask me.

But then we're back to gunfighting. And while the gunfight on the Florida Keys Highway is cool (and reminds everyone too much of True Lies) ... why is Ethan Hunt the only one going around shooting the bad guys? The other three agents he operates with are still alive ... but they're helping civilians and not shooting back?

I would focus on killing the UAV armed with rockets and the Huey loaded up with commandos first ... but hey, that's just me ... you know, with military training. And whatever happens, his sidekicks seem to be invincible ... sidekicks were MEANT for killing off, but it doesn't happen nearly enough. Damnit.

The final battle ends too abruptly, and the whole romance thing ... it drives Ethan's actions, but does he really need to be driven like that? He was always so bad ass that he would do what needed to be done ... but now he's suddenly changed? His last mission (in MI2) wasn't nearly catastrophic enough for him to call it quite and become a trainer.

See it if - you want to see Tom Cruise gush over a girl, but on the big screen this time.
Rent it if - you want to add the DVD case to your "Wall of Tom", you would rather save your money for a better action movie.

SILENT HILL

2006-05-01T13:08:00.000-07:00

Theater: Showcase Cinema de Lux 16, Okolona, Kentucky
Director's Hall

Never played the video games, but like Resident Evil, I'm pretty sure there wasn't as much scantily-clad womenfolk in it originally. And what little I know about the game, it starts with a mother in a car crash, and when she wakes up her daughter is gone ... a much better opening to get us into the movie rather than dealing with meaningless exposition to explain things in words that are covered later anyways.

And of course, you can't market a movie with a mother all alone in a ghost town searching for her daughter ... you need people for her to interact with.

Hence the female motorcycle cop who happens to drop in, and adds the awkward lesbian flair so standard in horror fare nowadays, and who sacrifices her life for no good reason ... but we'll get to that later.

The film starts creepy, then gets creepy with lesbian overtones, then just gets disgustingly brutal and violent. But nowhere in here is even the hint of a good movie, much less one that makes sense. Maybe I should have played the video games, but I find that to be a weakness in an adaptation: it's your duty to explain the narrative as clearly to both those familiar with the material to those seeing it for the first time.

See it if - you like female motorcycle cops.
Rent it if - you played the game; you like gore; you like female motorcycle cops in the privacy of your own home.

LUCKY NUMBER SLEVIN

2006-04-08T19:22:00.000-07:00

Theater: Showcase Cinemas Stonybrook, Louisville, Kentucky

The beginning of the movie does not start out where you expect it to. And it's great.

You have Josh Hartnett being confused for someone else. Problem is, he's being confused by two rival mob bosses (Ben Kingsley and Morgan Freeman). Throw Lucy Liu in as the hot neighbor and Bruce Willis in as a hitman, and you have a mind-bending romp through a man's forced choice to serve one side or the other. And did I mention the NYPD is on his case now too?

It's filled with dry humor and surprises but doesn't get too clever for its own good. And Bruce Willis kills more people here than he does in 16 Blocks, I'm pretty sure ... and he's only a supporting character!

The movie won't keep you bored, may keep you guessing, and won't make you sorry you paid some money to see it.

See it if - you like being entertained in the theater; you were disappointed in Willis' previous outings.
Rent it if - go see it instead.

LORD OF WAR

2006-04-03T19:54:00.000-07:00

DVD

A bullet is manufactured, packaged, sold, shipped, smuggled, lost, found, loaded, and shot into a person's head.

It's an inventive opening to the movie, dealing with Nicholas Cage's gun-running in the Cold War and after. Not high on moral value, except that perhaps giving people the means to kill each other is not the most noble of professions, it is a disturbing look at what happened specifically after the fall of the USSR and how all those cold war weapons vanished into third world countries.

It's one of those movies where you root for the bad guy because he's really the best person you have to root for. Would you rather root for the ruthless competition that car-bombs people, or the oppressive president of Liberia? Thought not.

It's not that inventive, but it's entertaining ... and recently, we can't really ask anything else from Nic Cage.

Rent it if - you like guns.
Buy it if - if you really like guns.

SLITHER

2006-04-02T20:36:00.000-07:00

Theater: Movies Palace 6 Theaters, Elizabethtown, Kentucky

So I went to see a horror movie, hoping this would do for alien worms from outer space what Scream did to killers in masks ... unfortunately, it was low on wit.

Was it a bad horror movie? No. But not as tongue in cheek as I would have wanted. The recent Dawn of the Dead, with celebrity zombie sniping, I thought was great. This was ... not great. But have no fear, there is plenty of disgusting gore.

The story isn't that great, but it doesn't have to be. Alien pod impregnates man with worms, which impregnate woman who explodes giving birth to thousands of worms ... and anyone with a worm becomes a zombie/hive-mind person.

It stars the captain from Serenity, the receptionist from The Office, the father from Mallrats, and the bad guy from Payback ... how many obscure cast members can you get in one film?

My main disappointment was, while expecting a B-movie with funny parts, I got a REALLY B-movie with not enough funny parts ... what would Evil Dead 2 been without the comedy? Not good.

See it if - you want to see the first Serenity follow-on project for Nathan Fillion
Rent it if - you believe B-movies deserve your money at home as opposed to at the theater.

V FOR VENDETTA

2006-03-18T22:36:00.000-08:00

Theater: Showcase Cinema de Lux 16, Okolona, Kentucky

If you've read the graphic novel, this movie doesn't follow along quite as Alan Moore wrote it.

But thank god that it doesn't have to.

There are two types of adaptations. The first take the source material and alter it only in medium, translating it to a moving form. The second takes the foundation, the underlying pieces of that material, and molds it into something different, but still familiar; sometimes even sometimes better.

The film is better than the graphic novel.

And here's why:

It's simpler. The fat has been trimmed, but the message has remained the same.
The key visuals remain intact.
The acting is fitting ... imagine having a British cast playing Britons ... Hollywood should have figured that one out a long time ago.
The story is jumbled ... even if you read the graphic novel, there are surprises in store.

Hugo Weaving acts pantomime the whole movie, wearing a mask. And it works, without ever seeing his face.

Time have changed since the novel was written, and the film (sometimes disturbingly) brings that to light, tying in this British future into our current world. It makes you be thankful that we do not live in a world like that.

See it if - you like masks; you like Natalie Portman; you're looking for a solid political commentary on where the worldhas been and could (in a worst case scenario) go
Rent it if - you're too embarassed to go see a comic book movie.

16 BLOCKS

2006-03-11T18:48:00.000-08:00

Theater: Movies Palace 6 Theaters, Elizabethtown, Kentucky

Bruce Willis plays a New York cop who's down, out, drunk, and not quite nice.

Sound familiar?

But this time Mos Def plays a squirrely informant, and Bruce Willis chased by fellow cops trying to squelch the witness.

Surprisingly good in its simple premise, it doesn't achieve greatness. It's better than Die Hard 2, but give me Nakatomi Plaza or With a Vengeance any day instead.

See it if - you've been waiting for Die Hard 4 for too long
Rent it if - you want to compare the receding hairline frame by frame versus say, Tears of the Sun.

ULTRAVIOLET

2006-03-04T18:26:00.000-08:00

Theater: Movies Palace 6 Theaters, Elizabethtown, Kentucky

So, Kurt Wimmer is completely on my shit-list now.

He made a great movie (Equilibrium) and then he makes this, Ultraviolet. If Equilibrium were his novel, this is his comic book. But unfortunately for all of us, it's the comic book you find in a gutter after a kid who spent his allowance on it throws it away in disgust, whereas his novel would be preserved in a library of other works as great as it.

The story seems (and is) simple, but it's told so disjointed that you're not really sure what's going on. Jovovich plays Violet, a synthetic vampire due to government testing on her that made her faster, stronger, and ... immune to sunlight?

And there's a defenseless kid in the story, like there always is, and a mysterious helper, and an oppressive government, and the head of the government, and a paranoid society.

There's more backstory to the movie, but it never gets explained. And when it comes to the action, it's just bad. The climactic fight is with swords (cool) in the dark (stupid) ... so even when they light the swords on fire (again, cool) they still manage to make it painful to watch.

The visuals are highly stylized, but the effect is much less Sin City and much more we-ran-out-of-special-effects-money-so-lets-make-it-all-look-like-crap.

Is this better than Milla doing a third Resident Evil? Honestly, I can't answer that question. And that's what makes me so scared.

Kurt, please let your next movie (if you get the chance to make another one after this) more like your first.

Sincerely,
Me

See it if - you have a thing for Milla (which I never did)
Rent it if - you like watching bright colors move on a screen in your living room.

BULLETPROOF MONK

2006-02-15T19:44:00.000-08:00

DVD

I have to start out with a disclaimer that I do not own, did not buy, nor ever spent money to see this movie.

This is the only movie I've seen so far (although I've heard of others that I will need to research) that disprove my "Nazis make a good movie" theory. Nazis are the perfect villains in that they were really, really bad (to circumvent a lengthy history lesson). The theory is that if a movie has any connection to Nazis, from the absurd (Blues Brothers), serious (Schindler's List), purely antagonistic (Indiana Jones in Raiders and Last Crusade ... but note: NOT Temple of Doom) to the very obscure (Constantine).

Chow Yun Fat plays a monk who doesn't age, and is apparently bullet-proof (but not Superman bulletproof, more like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon fly-through-the-air-with-weapons-while-twirling bulletproof). Sean William Scott is ... Sean William Scott. And Jamie King is a rich girl, long before no one knew who she was in Sin City.

The movie is about a scroll, and some bad guys (the Nazi) posing as a good guy (the head of a Society to end Genocides) ... the writer's didn't really put too much effort into this. Granted, it's been taken from outside source material, a pulp comic that no one has ever heard of.

But then again, I never heard of Hellboy and it was entertaining.

Did I mention there were Nazis in that one too?

Rent it if - you want to waste some money.
Buy it if - oh, just burn your money already.

BETTER LUCK TOMORROW

2006-02-12T16:38:00.000-08:00

DVD

Justin Lin's 2002 film about a group of over-achieving Asian American high-schoolers is as funny as it is disturbing and truthful. What's more dangerous than kids so smart they start having free time, all the while unbridled by their parents because they have a 4.0? They're obsessive in what they do ... and when what they do is crime ... it's an entertaining yarn set in bored upper-class America.

The characters go from conning an electronics store out of money to participating in a decathlon to getting guns and a hooker to beating up each other. The humor comes in when it's all juxtaposed on the standard upper-class high school woes: SATs, admissions, and those ever-prized extra-curriculars that round out your academic resume and impress admissions boards.

Rent it if - you want to be in touch with this current generations' kids; you want to learn a few SAT words.
Buy it if - you were one of the few that made this a cult hit in 2002.

OLDBOY

2006-02-01T19:44:00.000-08:00

DVD

An original, provocative, disturbing, violent, and humorous film. I've been on a foreign-flick kick recently, and Korea keeps impressing me.

The film is about a man who is kidnapped off the street and imprisoned by strangers for 15 years before being set free for no reason. And he starts to seek revenge.

The violence is brutal. The plot unfolds as a mystery. And as it goes on, you go from being disgusted, to sympathetic, and back and forth the whole time. It plays with your emotions, constantly questioning why you're rooting for who you are.

Not for the faint of heart, if you're in for one of the best thrillers I've ever seen. And if you can't stand subtitles, you can watch the English-dubbed version (but that would drive me crazy).

Rent it if - you're a fan of great thrillers; don't mind foreign (ie: subtitled) flicks.
Buy it if - you want a great movie in your library; the video store nearest you doesn't carry foreign films.

UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION

2006-01-28T16:11:00.000-08:00

Theater: Movies Palace 6 Theaters, Elizabethtown, Kentucky

I don't know what I was expecting when I walked into this one. Its predecessor was fun, but not great; it didn't wow me.

I didn't re-watch the first one before I saw this, and now I wish I did; the sequel picks up directly after the first film ends, and I was playing catch up the whole time. Was this a bad thing? It's an action movie about werewolves and vampires, so it turns out plot points from before weren't too important.

The action is ... unimpressive. Lots of people die, and you see some cool things along the way, but nothing that outdoes the competition ... of course, being January, there is no competition in this genre, so it pretty much flies by on it's own lack of merits without really trying.

I remember after seeing The Matrix for the first time feeling amazed. Or Batman Begins, but for wholly different reasons (the first being peerless in action, the second for flawless execution in a story we all already knew).

Sadly, this film is only mediocre.

See it if - you want to see Kate Beckinsale (PG-13) naked on the big screen..
Rent it if - you want to watch documentaries on the special effects that you already know the secrets of..

MUNICH

2006-01-16T21:30:00.000-08:00

Theater: Showcase Cinemas Stonybrook, Louisville, Kentucky

The last image you see in the film is of the New York Skyline in the 1970s. A skyline that includes the World Trade Center Towers overlooking the city.

The moral of the film is that there are bad people and good people. There's no morality play as to what the right course of action is, or was. Bad people do good and bad things, and good people do good and bad things. The mission Eric Bana and his co-stars embark on is too complicated to analyze. It is about vengeance, but it is also about compromising principle, and the violence that vengeance brings about.

When Golda Meir (played by Lynn Cohen) says, "Every civilization finds it necessary to negotiate compromises with its own values" it sums up the conundrum of the situation: is vengeance the correct response for a peaceful society? Does peace show weakness, or violence show lack of rationale?

It is a film that will stir your thoughts, but probably not change your mind from what you already believe. The issue is complicated, and as much of that complexity is left intact as can be from taking a tragedy and it's consequences and condensing it to film. Spielberg has done an impressive job translating it into film, and it's easily one of the best movies to come out of last year.

See it if - you like your movies harsh, real, and relevant.
Rent it if - it's not playing anywhere near you.

FUN WITH DICK AND JANE

2006-01-01T19:36:00.000-08:00

Theater: Movies Palace 6 Theaters, Elizabethtown, Kentucky

I passed the movie theater the first time in Elizabethtown because it looks like a barn made of corrogated steel siding ... And the inside is unimpressive, but the small screens give you an intimate immersion into the films there, I suppose.

Fun with Dick and Jane is funnier than I thought it would be, if only because it went places I didn't expect it to go. This is much more a comedy about making ends meet than it is a comedy about a married couple who go rob people. Even though the climax is a big hustle, I found the funniest moments were those I didn't see coming: a chase/fight between men in suits to get to an interview before the others, attempting to work manual labor with illegal immigrants, or trying to make money participating in drug research studies.

I never saw the original, but it's a good time out at the movies.

See it if - you miss Jim Carrey on the big screen.
Rent it if - you want to see hilarious outtakes of some of the more violent stunts.

SARAH SILVERMAN: JESUS IS MAGIC

2005-12-21T23:24:00.000-08:00

Theater: Rafael Film Center, San Rafael, California

Sarah Silverman is many things. White. Jewish. Funny. Offensive. Abrasive.

You'll be laughing at things you wouldn't be caught dead saying out loud in a public place. While not the funniest stand-up film ever, it's much more mainstream (ie less disgusting/disturbing/hilarious) than The Aristocrats, but it's a solid substitute if you're not around any decent comedy clubs.

If you live in Los Angeles, on the other hand ... you should have seen her live. Shame on you.

See it if - you're craving a good stand-up act; you can't wait to laugh and be offended at the same time.
Rent it if - you go to comedy clubs a lot already; you did see that show live.

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

2005-12-17T01:57:00.000-08:00

Theater: Pacific's the Grove, Hollywood, CA

Brokeback Mountain is simply a love story. The two people happen to be men, but love knows no bounds as they struggle with their feelings for one another. As both men move on with their lives, trying to reconcile what happened, they both start families and careers of their own. But one is haunted by the love he feels and his constant denial of it taints all his future relationships, as the other tries hard to make their relationship more permanent but is shot down every time.

This is not a happy movie. It is a modern-day romantic tragedy where hearts are broken and people bleed. But the performances are as strong as the vistas of the mountains are epic. It's a saga of love and loss during the course of life, masterfully and daringly put to screen.

See it if - you like controversy; you liked the short story; you need to be in on all the awards buzz.
Rent it if - you can't see it in a theater (ie some if not most of the mid-west).

KING KONG

2005-12-15T01:57:00.000-08:00

Theater: Loew's Universal Citywalk Cinemas, Universal City, California

Peter Jackson's labor of love has finally arrived, and it's awesome in scope (and action, but let's start at the beginning). Clocking in at over three hours, you can notice that the edits are too quick in the opening act/hour; where some shots would be beautiful if left on-screen for a few more seconds, they are cut short by what most likely was an effort to trim all the excess fat off the film. Sadly, plenty is still left.

But this film is still awesome, if now we move onto the technical side. Digital effects have never looked so good, and I challenge anyone to say that Kong's face does not look photo-realistic ... at least, if there really were gorillas that big found on uncharted islands and brought back to New York City ...

As soon as you see the ape, the movie changes: a) it becomes an action movie, and b) it becomes a love story.

For the guys: The action is nearly non-stop as you see man vs. dinosaur, ape vs. dinosaur, man vs. bugs, ape vs. bats, and finally ape vs. man (and later Army, and then later still Army Air Corps).

For the girls: There are countless touching moments between Naomi Watts and Kong in the movie, between the carnage, and even a dance number. You'll never feel so sorry for a gorilla ever again, caught in a love triangle between a man and a woman, doomed to die protecting the one creature he treasures above all else. (And if I just ruined the movie for you, you should think about crawling back into your cave for the remake of Casablanca to come out, so I can tell you he doesn't get the girl in the end)

I would see this movie a second time in a heartbeat if I could time it that I walked into the movie an hour late, sitting down as the audience gets its first glimpse of the mighty ape.

See it if - you want to be awed by a big love story (at least, with a big gorilla), big action (dinosaurs, bugs, bats, and the US Army), or just a long movie (180+ minutes).
Rent it if - you miss it so much from seeing it in the theaters that you want to see it again, but can now fast-forward through all the slow parts.

THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE

2005-12-13T01:58:00.000-08:00

Theater: The El Capitan Theater, Hollywood, California

The last time I saw this book performed was the BBC miniseries, which was much smaller in scale and much more (obviously) British. I remembered the lion and the wardrobe, but not so much the witch.

So one day, after running five miles in a daze, I cooled down by walking to the El Cap and buying a ticket.

Entering, props and costumes surrounded me. Inside the theater itself, icicles and minotaurs and centaurs adorned the balconies, with a huge Aslan-head above the screen.

And right before the movie started, it snowed. Granted, it was "non-toxic soap snow", but kids ran out into the aisles as if they had never seen the real thing before (most probably haven't - it only snows once every few decades in Los Angeles).

And the movie begins. I don't have a problem with religious allegories (because if you go far back enough, everything is a religious allegory). So I didn't mind the death of the innocent, a resurrection, and the evil ice-queen who oppresses her subjects.

But I have two gripes:

If you were the younger brother in a group of four siblings, would you betray your family for some Turkish Delight? Granted, a friend pointed out to me that children are kidnapped everyday by the promise of candy from strangers but ... these are British kids ... aren't they supposed to be smarter than American kids? Also, after being reconciled with his brother and sisters, Aslan tells them to "not speak of his betrayal" because it was in the past. This kid sold out his siblings for candy, nearly leading to their deaths ... but the lion seems to think that just forgetting it and moving on is the right course of action (I'm eternally grateful that no one had to endure that scene of expository dialogue, so it turns out he was right).
Santa Claus is in the movie. Like I said above, I have no problem with religious allegory. And in fact, I'm sure Santa Claus was in C. S. Lewis' book. But not only does St. Nick show up, he gives the children weapons. Granted, the books were written at a time when the number one Christmas gift to young boys in the US was a rifle, but again, these are British children ... obviously the same person who taught them to not accept Turkish Delight from evil Ice Queens taught them to never accept deadly weapons from an old bearded man on a reindeer-pulled sleigh.

It's surprisingly violent for a PG rated film, and the action is impressive, but it's not enough to save the film from its own mediocrity. But kids love it, so who am I to argue?

See it if - you have kids who have never seen snow before ... just don't let them eat it; you think this is the more spiritual successor to Lord of the Rings (it's not); you like seeing centaurs and fawns battle minotaurs and giants.
Rent it if - your kids will try eating the fake snow; you're more interested in learning how they did the special effects than in the movie itself.

MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA

2005-12-11T01:59:00.000-08:00

Theater: Pacific's the Grove, Hollywood, CA

I never read the book, so I don't know how the movie differs. But from what I can gather, the ending is much more Hollywood-ish ... in that it's happier than the book's ending.

Because the director of Chicago helmed this picture means the shots are beautiful, and the movements of the camera and the actors are graceful. But somewhere it seems the story lost its purpose. It's a romance ... but it's set in an oppressive culture where children are bought and sold and raised as servants or Geisha ... but never able to make their own path in life. Even when famous, Geisha look for a donor to sponsor them in their very specific lifestyle. It's a very touching tale about a woman trying to make the most in the life given to her, but at the same time her romantic ideal is playing into the societal system that forced her there.

There are better romance-during-war films.

See it if - you liked the book; you like pretty pictures; you enjoy Japanese culture.
Rent it if - you aren't in any rush.

SYRIANA

2005-12-04T01:56:00.000-08:00

Theater: Pacific's the Grove, Hollywood, California

One of the most thought-provoking films in recent memory, Syriana asks important questions. If I had to boil it down to one line, it would be this: Should the life of an American be worth more than the life of a foreigner to our government?

You have American oil tycoons who want the oil, Middle Eastern Emirs who have the oil, a lawyer investigating the tycoons, an analyst becoming the Emirs' financial advisor, unemployed workers led into fundamentalism and terrorism, a manipulative power broker, and a CIA agent thrown in for good measure.

What you get out of it is an intense look at the uber-complicated world we live in while raising some questions of the ethics of government. Mainly, how far should a government go to protect its people's interests, and do we really want to know how far they'll go?

See it if - you want a very heated after-movie dinner debate; you want to quote Matt Damon's intelligent (and insensitive) quips in the office; you can't hold in the joy that Alexander Siddig is acting again.
Rent it if - you always thought George Clooney looked better on TV.

PRIDE & PREJUDICE

2005-12-03T02:07:00.000-08:00

Theater: Pacific's the Grove, Hollywood, California

Whatever you call this movie, it's good. The story is a classic that translates well to film, you could learn a thing or two about British history, the acting is strong, and it's entertaining to watch.

In other words, it's a great date movie - if you could get a guy to see it.

The quintessential chick-book of the 19th century has made it to the screen as a lavish production that carries its own weight without sacrificing too much of the book's tone. Many British actors play their roles well, namely Keira Knightley and Dame Judi Dench, but Donald Sutherland pops up as an English Gentleman, just like Jena Malone plays one of his younger daughters. The imposter-actors pull of their roles well, and you don't seem to mind that their accents are phony because they're kept just far enough in the background for Keira to steal the movie.

Anyone who doesn't like British movies, date movies, or romances will probably be surprised just how entertaining this film can be. Not to mention it saves them countless hours reading Jane Austen's novel.

See it if - you want to re-live those Women's Studies days; you enjoy British drama/comedy (with a mostly un-British cast); you think a good date movie is Stealth.
Rent it if - you would rather save money on an "indoor-date" movie because your date isn't that hot; you want to get up close and personal with Keira Knightley ... or Jena Malone ... or Rosamund Pike.

AEON FLUX

2005-12-03T02:04:00.000-08:00

Theater: Paramount's Sherry Lansing Theater, Paramount Studios, California

If you like un-imaginative action, scantily-clad Oscar winners, and campy dialogue, this movie is for you.

Never being much aware of the animated series the film is based on (I saw one episode, thought it was weird, and that was it) I wasn't really too excited about this film. The most interesting part about the movie is the plot twist (highlight the following to reveal): that the cure for an "industrial disease" could lead to the infertility of the human race, forcing society to clone people. But sadly, that aspect of the film was never really explored as thought-provokingly as it could have been, and we're left with lots of people dying ... but I don't remember a single drop of blood.

See it if - you obsess over the source material.
Rent it if - you have no better waste of time to use.

WALK THE LINE

2005-11-26T02:01:00.000-08:00

Theater: Century Theaters Hilltop, Pinole, California

The first thing that strikes you after you see this movie (or read any review or synopsis of it) is how similar it is to Ray. And how everyone is talking about Joaquin Phoenix maybe pulling off what Jamie Foxx did last year: an Oscar nod, and maybe even a win.

Both Johnny Cash and Ray Charles suffered childhood tragedies. Tie, 1-1.
Johnny Cash is healthy, but Ray Charles goes blind. Point Charles, 1-2.
Both Cash and Charles get addicted to drugs. Tie, 2-3.
Both Cash and Charles fall in love. Tie, 3-4.
Cash has a supporting cast of Elvis, Harry Lee Louis, and Roy Orbison; Charles has Quincy Jones. Point Cash, 4-4.

As you can see, the numbers speak for themselves; the movies are not too dissimilar. But I would argue that while Ray is much more a personal struggle and about a man and his music, Walk the Line is much more a romance between Cash and June Carter, and for that reason would have to be the stronger film for it.

But like Ray, after you're done watching, you'll swear you were watching the artist himself on the screen, and not some actor. The acting/makeup/costuming/singing is that good.

See it if - Ray only fulfilled half of your depressing/uplifting movie quota; you're addicted to biopics; you prefer country to soul.
Rent it if - you don't have to see it in time to cast a vote for a union, guild, association, or academy.

HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE

2005-11-18T01:03:00.000-08:00

Theater: Grauman's Chinese Theater, Hollywood, California

I refuse to read any of the Harry Potter books until I can buy them all in a neat little paperback boxed set ... something about keeping order on the bookshelf.

So I was surprised when watching the newest installment, the series showed it's first narrative hiccups. Plotlines were left unraveled, the obvious important things Harry could have said were left unspoken, and it seemed the most disjointed of any of the four films. Far from the lean mechanics of Azkaban, this installment seemed like it needed a trimming more than anything else.

The characters and the actors who they got to play them are excellent: MadEye Moody is creepy, and Voldemort is downright evil even behind all that makeup. The effects are spectacular too. But it seems that the details of the novel's plot were lost in translation. Whereas before whole plotlines were left out, the current writer seemed to think that leaving frayed ends of a few minor plots in the novel intact would heighten the experience. Maybe if I had read the book and knew what to expect, it would have. But those details only confuse an audience without any prior knowledge of the plot outside the realm of the previous films.

See it if - you dress up like a character to go see movies like this.
Rent it if - you need a refresher on what happens before Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix comes out.

ZATHURA

2005-11-12T21:09:00.000-08:00

Theater: Pacific's the Grove, Hollywood, California

Imagine Jumanji in space.

Now think ... did you like Jumanji?

If the answer is no ... then maybe you'll like the science fiction take more than the safari adventure original.

If the answer is yes ... then this is probably more of the same enjoyable fare.

Two bickering brothers are left home alone with a sister who isn't watching them, and they find a game ... that takes them into outer space, through meteor showers, encounters with an astronaut, alien invaders, and a malfunctioning robot.

Dialogue nuggets like, "Get me a juice box, biotch," are few and far between, but it's a fun movie for the whole family ... or you and your date ... or just you, but why would you see a movie like this alone?

See it if - you enjoyed Jumanji enough to give that idea another shot; you think after Elf you need to see every Jon Favreau film now.
Rent it if - you have too many kids to take out to the movies; it brings back traumatic childhood memories of space travel too vividly on the big screen.

JARHEAD

2005-11-11T01:02:00.000-08:00

Theater: Grauman's Chinese Theater, Hollywood, California

Seeing a military-themed movie while being in the military, friends undoubtedly come up and ask, "Is that what it's really like?"

I'm not a Marine, I'm not a sniper, and I didn't enlist.

But sure, I bet there's plenty of truth to some things in the movie.

Working my way through the book right now, I'm not sure how good a job they did adapting memoir to film, but the movie certainly brings over the sense of "train hard, play hard" and the bravado found in combat units.

Where others find it disjointed and non-narrative, I find it refreshing. It is more of a memoir translated into film than it is a memoir turned into a narrative film. Life is disjointed, random, and unpredictable. Sometimes I find the small vignettes offer more insight into a character than drawn out plotlines and monologues.

The film looks great and brings with it the sense of desolate expanse that a desert can be. I suggest it to anyone who wants to see what modern war was like ... when it was "modern" over a decade ago.

See it if - you like war movies; you like Marines; you like seeing things blow up.
Rent it if - you have a sound system to jam the instrumental "Jesus Walks" with in your home.

STAY

2005-10-21T02:09:00.000-07:00

Theater: Fox's Little Theater, Fox Studios, California

The opening makes sure you're awake, and it has some spooky turns throughout, but by using all the signs to let you know it's going to be a mind-trick movie, it falls short with the closing twist. The transitions are amazingly surreal, especially one from an aquariums manatee tank to the outside of a New York apartment, but good looks don't make great movies.

If you pay attention you'll pick up ... not hints, per se, but there are some oddities that a observant, and as the film progresses, anyone, can pick up.

See it if - you like pretty pictures.
Rent it if - you like pretty pictures for a cheaper price.

GOOD NIGHT. AND, GOOD LUCK.

2005-10-15T23:10:00.000-07:00

Theater: Arclight Cinemas, Hollywood, California

Black and white films tend to scream, I'm more important because I'm not in color! But sure enough, recent B&W features have been just that, whether you count the heavy Schindler's List, the quirky Ed Wood, or the shot-on-color-film-then-made-into-black-and-white The Man Who Wasn't There.

Where does Good Night. And, Good Luck fit in?

Dealing with McCarthy in almost a too-real fashion is sometimes distracting, but the performances carry the movie. Much of the dialogue of the film is taken straight from newscasts, leaving little room for artistic license or imagination, but adding unparalleled dramatic weight and realism.

See it if - you like your movies in light and dark; you like historical works; you want to see the real McCarthy on the big screen.
Rent it if - you actually have a black and white TV set.

SERENITY

2005-10-01T02:08:00.000-07:00

Theater: Arclight Cinemas, Hollywood, California

Joss Whedon is a geek. But being a geek has made him rich. Everyone knows about Buffy and most people know about Angel but very few know about Firefly, the series that aired on Fox for a half-season before being axed (remember, Fox cuts lots of good shows too).

But the DVD sales showed promise. Just like the DVD sales of Family Guy resurrected that series, the box-set of Firefly sold so well Whedon could convince Universal to give him a few million to make a movie continuation of the series.

And it kicks ass.

It increases the scope of the series on every level: the conflicts are larger, the characters make irreversible decisions, and the villain is a top-notch badass.

Some fans of the TV show won't like how things change, but it's for the better. It gives more gravity to every situation, every conflict. And it has just enough tongue-in-cheek humor to keep you laughing all along the ride. Will the series be resurrected because of the movie? Probably not.

But a movie sequel to this would be just as cool.

See it if - you liked Firefly; you liked Buffy; you liked Angel; you liked any Star Trek; you think a space-western sounds like a good idea.
Rent it if - just go and buy it instead.

LITTLE MANHATTAN

2005-09-30T02:11:00.000-07:00

Theater: Fox's Little Theater, Fox Studios, California

It's a romantic comedy between two ten year olds in New York City. It has cute written all over it, and it actually pulls it off. It's hard not to laugh as you see these kids try to be adults, but pull it off with all the awkward clumsiness of inexperienced courtship. It even has martial arts, although kung-fu enthusiasts will be disappointed to learn that instead of using Bruce Lee footage, a fictional martial arts celebrity was created ... presumably because it was cheaper.

See it if - you want a go-to-the-movies date movie.
Rent it if - you want a stay-at-home date movie.

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

2005-08-13T02:07:00.000-07:00

Theater: Fox's Zanuck Theater, Fox Studios, California

Tim Burton has a knack for making things weird. Is Johnny Depp the greatest match for the role? Probably not. But the little kid has plenty of heart to make up for it, the other children are annoying, and Danny Elfman injects himself with enough Burton-juice to get the Oompa Loompa songs dead on.

I'm sure the midget actor's unit hates the movie, because they digitally shrank an actor and duplicated him, so one man plays all of Wonka's helpers, including the female ones. It does make it a little more eerie, though, and that's right up Tim Burton's alley.

See it if - you have a kid that likes candy; you're in love with Johnny Depp.
Rent it if - you think cranking up the volume of those Danny Elfman Oompa Loompa songs will scare your neighbors.