SARAH SILVERMAN: JESUS IS MAGIC

Theater: Rafael Film Center, San Rafael, California

Sarah Silverman is many things. White. Jewish. Funny. Offensive. Abrasive.

You'll be laughing at things you wouldn't be caught dead saying out loud in a public place. While not the funniest stand-up film ever, it's much more mainstream (ie less disgusting/disturbing/hilarious) than The Aristocrats, but it's a solid substitute if you're not around any decent comedy clubs.

If you live in Los Angeles, on the other hand ... you should have seen her live. Shame on you.

See it if - you're craving a good stand-up act; you can't wait to laugh and be offended at the same time.
Rent it if - you go to comedy clubs a lot already; you did see that show live.

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

Theater: Pacific's the Grove, Hollywood, CA

Brokeback Mountain is simply a love story. The two people happen to be men, but love knows no bounds as they struggle with their feelings for one another. As both men move on with their lives, trying to reconcile what happened, they both start families and careers of their own. But one is haunted by the love he feels and his constant denial of it taints all his future relationships, as the other tries hard to make their relationship more permanent but is shot down every time.

This is not a happy movie. It is a modern-day romantic tragedy where hearts are broken and people bleed. But the performances are as strong as the vistas of the mountains are epic. It's a saga of love and loss during the course of life, masterfully and daringly put to screen.

See it if - you like controversy; you liked the short story; you need to be in on all the awards buzz.
Rent it if - you can't see it in a theater (ie some if not most of the mid-west).

KING KONG

Theater: Loew's Universal Citywalk Cinemas, Universal City, California

Peter Jackson's labor of love has finally arrived, and it's awesome in scope (and action, but let's start at the beginning). Clocking in at over three hours, you can notice that the edits are too quick in the opening act/hour; where some shots would be beautiful if left on-screen for a few more seconds, they are cut short by what most likely was an effort to trim all the excess fat off the film. Sadly, plenty is still left.

But this film is still awesome, if now we move onto the technical side. Digital effects have never looked so good, and I challenge anyone to say that Kong's face does not look photo-realistic ... at least, if there really were gorillas that big found on uncharted islands and brought back to New York City ...

As soon as you see the ape, the movie changes: a) it becomes an action movie, and b) it becomes a love story.

For the guys: The action is nearly non-stop as you see man vs. dinosaur, ape vs. dinosaur, man vs. bugs, ape vs. bats, and finally ape vs. man (and later Army, and then later still Army Air Corps).

For the girls: There are countless touching moments between Naomi Watts and Kong in the movie, between the carnage, and even a dance number. You'll never feel so sorry for a gorilla ever again, caught in a love triangle between a man and a woman, doomed to die protecting the one creature he treasures above all else. (And if I just ruined the movie for you, you should think about crawling back into your cave for the remake of Casablanca to come out, so I can tell you he doesn't get the girl in the end)

I would see this movie a second time in a heartbeat if I could time it that I walked into the movie an hour late, sitting down as the audience gets its first glimpse of the mighty ape.

See it if - you want to be awed by a big love story (at least, with a big gorilla), big action (dinosaurs, bugs, bats, and the US Army), or just a long movie (180+ minutes).
Rent it if - you miss it so much from seeing it in the theaters that you want to see it again, but can now fast-forward through all the slow parts.

THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE

Theater: The El Capitan Theater, Hollywood, California

The last time I saw this book performed was the BBC miniseries, which was much smaller in scale and much more (obviously) British. I remembered the lion and the wardrobe, but not so much the witch.

So one day, after running five miles in a daze, I cooled down by walking to the El Cap and buying a ticket.

Entering, props and costumes surrounded me. Inside the theater itself, icicles and minotaurs and centaurs adorned the balconies, with a huge Aslan-head above the screen.

And right before the movie started, it snowed. Granted, it was "non-toxic soap snow", but kids ran out into the aisles as if they had never seen the real thing before (most probably haven't - it only snows once every few decades in Los Angeles).

And the movie begins. I don't have a problem with religious allegories (because if you go far back enough, everything is a religious allegory). So I didn't mind the death of the innocent, a resurrection, and the evil ice-queen who oppresses her subjects.

But I have two gripes:

1. If you were the younger brother in a group of four siblings, would you betray your family for some Turkish Delight? Granted, a friend pointed out to me that children are kidnapped everyday by the promise of candy from strangers but ... these are British kids ... aren't they supposed to be smarter than American kids? Also, after being reconciled with his brother and sisters, Aslan tells them to "not speak of his betrayal" because it was in the past. This kid sold out his siblings for candy, nearly leading to their deaths ... but the lion seems to think that just forgetting it and moving on is the right course of action (I'm eternally grateful that no one had to endure that scene of expository dialogue, so it turns out he was right).
   
   
2. Santa Claus is in the movie. Like I said above, I have no problem with religious allegory. And in fact, I'm sure Santa Claus was in C. S. Lewis' book. But not only does St. Nick show up, he gives the children weapons. Granted, the books were written at a time when the number one Christmas gift to young boys in the US was a rifle, but again, these are British children ... obviously the same person who taught them to not accept Turkish Delight from evil Ice Queens taught them to never accept deadly weapons from an old bearded man on a reindeer-pulled sleigh.

It's surprisingly violent for a PG rated film, and the action is impressive, but it's not enough to save the film from its own mediocrity. But kids love it, so who am I to argue?

See it if - you have kids who have never seen snow before ... just don't let them eat it; you think this is the more spiritual successor to Lord of the Rings (it's not); you like seeing centaurs and fawns battle minotaurs and giants.
Rent it if - your kids will try eating the fake snow; you're more interested in learning how they did the special effects than in the movie itself.

MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA

Theater: Pacific's the Grove, Hollywood, CA

I never read the book, so I don't know how the movie differs. But from what I can gather, the ending is much more Hollywood-ish ... in that it's happier than the book's ending.

Because the director of Chicago helmed this picture means the shots are beautiful, and the movements of the camera and the actors are graceful. But somewhere it seems the story lost its purpose. It's a romance ... but it's set in an oppressive culture where children are bought and sold and raised as servants or Geisha ... but never able to make their own path in life. Even when famous, Geisha look for a donor to sponsor them in their very specific lifestyle. It's a very touching tale about a woman trying to make the most in the life given to her, but at the same time her romantic ideal is playing into the societal system that forced her there.

There are better romance-during-war films.

See it if - you liked the book; you like pretty pictures; you enjoy Japanese culture.
Rent it if - you aren't in any rush.

SYRIANA

Theater: Pacific's the Grove, Hollywood, California

One of the most thought-provoking films in recent memory, Syriana asks important questions. If I had to boil it down to one line, it would be this: Should the life of an American be worth more than the life of a foreigner to our government?

You have American oil tycoons who want the oil, Middle Eastern Emirs who have the oil, a lawyer investigating the tycoons, an analyst becoming the Emirs' financial advisor, unemployed workers led into fundamentalism and terrorism, a manipulative power broker, and a CIA agent thrown in for good measure.

What you get out of it is an intense look at the uber-complicated world we live in while raising some questions of the ethics of government. Mainly, how far should a government go to protect its people's interests, and do we really want to know how far they'll go?

See it if - you want a very heated after-movie dinner debate; you want to quote Matt Damon's intelligent (and insensitive) quips in the office; you can't hold in the joy that Alexander Siddig is acting again.
Rent it if - you always thought George Clooney looked better on TV.

PRIDE & PREJUDICE

Theater: Pacific's the Grove, Hollywood, California

Whatever you call this movie, it's good. The story is a classic that translates well to film, you could learn a thing or two about British history, the acting is strong, and it's entertaining to watch.

In other words, it's a great date movie - if you could get a guy to see it.

The quintessential chick-book of the 19th century has made it to the screen as a lavish production that carries its own weight without sacrificing too much of the book's tone. Many British actors play their roles well, namely Keira Knightley and Dame Judi Dench, but Donald Sutherland pops up as an English Gentleman, just like Jena Malone plays one of his younger daughters. The imposter-actors pull of their roles well, and you don't seem to mind that their accents are phony because they're kept just far enough in the background for Keira to steal the movie.

Anyone who doesn't like British movies, date movies, or romances will probably be surprised just how entertaining this film can be. Not to mention it saves them countless hours reading Jane Austen's novel.

See it if - you want to re-live those Women's Studies days; you enjoy British drama/comedy (with a mostly un-British cast); you think a good date movie is Stealth.
Rent it if - you would rather save money on an "indoor-date" movie because your date isn't that hot; you want to get up close and personal with Keira Knightley ... or Jena Malone ... or Rosamund Pike.

AEON FLUX

Theater: Paramount's Sherry Lansing Theater, Paramount Studios, California

If you like un-imaginative action, scantily-clad Oscar winners, and campy dialogue, this movie is for you.

Never being much aware of the animated series the film is based on (I saw one episode, thought it was weird, and that was it) I wasn't really too excited about this film. The most interesting part about the movie is the plot twist (highlight the following to reveal): that the cure for an "industrial disease" could lead to the infertility of the human race, forcing society to clone people. But sadly, that aspect of the film was never really explored as thought-provokingly as it could have been, and we're left with lots of people dying ... but I don't remember a single drop of blood.

See it if - you obsess over the source material.
Rent it if - you have no better waste of time to use.